A Recipe for Bronchitis Relief

When I came down with a rather pernicious case of bronchitis & sinusitis this Summer (which was completely resistant to the first round of antibiotics) – I came up with a method to get all the goo out of me as well as heal and nourish inflamed lung tissue.

If you’re not a pussy:

Set yourself up with tissue and a spit cup beside a bath. Fill a bathtub with somewhat hot water halfway. Sit in tub. Try not to reminisce about the womb too much because you have work to do, you sick fuck. Begin to fill the tub with rather hot water, and as you do this put a few drops of eucalyptus oil and/or Sunrider in the bath. Try not to open your eyes too much as you bend very close to the water to inhale the vapours very deeply. When you can’t stand it anymore and all of the oils have evaporated (very important), lie on your back and submerge thyself. Hold your breath for as long as you can before emerging to cough your brains out. The buoyant forces you’re enjoying underwater help to unhinge the stickiness.

And you’ll know what I mean by stickiness if you’ve been here. The gurgling, crackling, rattling sounds when you breathe, that’s oxygen trying to be friends with your lungs. All that mucus is totally cock-blocking you towards your destiny as a self-actualized human being. Usually after this bath treatment I would feel much better, but if this witchcraft remedy doesn’t work, go see a doctor ASAP. I didn’t realize how poorly I was functioning without oxygen until a second doctor prescribed an inhaler. What a shot of espresso/life force that was.

Long story short, go see a professional ya dingo. Also try not to smoke tons of everything. That includes pole. Give them tonsils a rest, hussy.

Long story short, go see a professional ya dingo. Also try not to smoke tons of everything. That includes pole. Give them tonsils a rest, hussy.

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